He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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