wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The uberlube is also flammable
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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