i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The uberlube is also flammable
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
