Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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