Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
