where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
