maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
