I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
