Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
