you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
