good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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