i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
