I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
