just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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