if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
