Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
