The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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