Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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