if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
