I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
