your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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