FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
