sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
