i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
A+ Viking dick
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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