Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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