Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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