I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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