I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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