Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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