her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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