No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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