Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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