I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
