i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
