I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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