I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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