I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
