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Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
