dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
