1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
