I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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