He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
