At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
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I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
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Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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