I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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