Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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