life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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