i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
