So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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