I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
