u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
