u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
