Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
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Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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