Can i not drive my cunt home
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize