the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
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I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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