her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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