Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
