i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
