i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
