dude i'm inner monologue high
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
