I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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