apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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