is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
