i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
