I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
