You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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