Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
