3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
