I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
